the struggle to believe.

for years i have sat down and listened to hip-hop bobbing my head to the beat tryna spit bars over the beat myself.  trying to find my voice but in the pursuit of finding my voice i found myself visualizing myself not as a rapper or entertainer but as a speaker dare i say a preacher. now don't get me wrong i don't want to speak about religion because i myself am not religious i find that religion has always been to me a hindrance to finding peace within ones self about spirituality... now some might read this and say well spirituality is a nice way to say u don't believe in "GOD"  and to you i would say no! because i believe that there is a god.  i do not know who or what he is but i do know that i'm my times of need he has always been there but i myself am unsure if i should even call him a "he". for all i know its a "she".  and if i am speaking honestly... i honestly believe that god is an energy that surrounds all of us.  and that there is good and bad energy out there.  and that we have placed the name "god" over the good energy and bad energy fall under the name of the "devil" and as much as apart of me wants to believe in the stories that i was raised on about god vs the devil.  i find it hard not to believe that humans have been trying to explain god or the energy that is god for centuries.  and that by doing so we have argued with others on what is the truth... what i do know is this in each culture has a name and religion based on the energy.  and that we most-likely are praising the same god.  and that we have all give it a different name.  unknowingly ignorant to the fact that its all the same energy.  and that we love and need that energy the same as the other.

now if u look at many of the cultures where man is held as the leader u will also find that there god is a male and culture were woman are leaders there are god is a female.  that all by it self is interesting me.  its almost funny how we as a species are such a slave to our own vanity.  so much that we visualize our gods as creating us in there image.  i don't think that energy is male or female but that it just "IS" what i mean by that is that the energy is partial to one side but that it is all and that we are all and the same.